The latest news with the Packard Plant is that a Chicago developer wants to redevelop the complex into some sort of retail and office hub for a mere $350 million. I can’t tell you what the ROI on that project is going to be, but I can tell you it’s probably going to show up in The E (Microsoft Excel) as a red number. I am not an architect, but I do know that a building that has trees growing on its roof is probably not structurally sound and that $350 million number is probably crack-pipe-optimism.
All of that is fine. I am used to watching people make ridiculously-poor financial decisions and to be honest, I find it very amusing. What irritates me, is that the county didn’t take my proposal seriously. My proposal, which was far more financially feasible, would kill two birds with one stone.
We would build a massive wall around the Packard complex and install a multitude of small HD cameras throughout every nook and cranny of that asbestos-laden beast. After which we would handpick select convicts to participate in a cheap knock-off of Running Man. These wouldn’t be just ordinary criminals. They would be the worst of the worst. The child molesters, murders, rapists and, people caught stealing bicycles from Grosse Pointe. These criminals would be hunted down by a crack team of hunters armed with unique and entertaining weapons, like flamethrowers and various edged weapons. This spectacle would be taped, edited and, then broadcast all over the world.
Not only would we make productive use of the space, but we would help alleviate the overpopulation of state prison system! It’s really a win-win. Then there are the societal benefits that would come from the inevitable drop in criminality. I am sure you would think twice before robbing a liquor store if you knew your only way out was surviving the Packard Plant!
Sure, it’s not original, but at least its within our means.