It’s that time of year again, when our wayward progeny return to the nest to break bread with our families while nursing raucous hangovers from the evening before. Yes, it’s Thanksgiving. What reason could possibly be good enough to combine two of my favorite pastimes, binge drinking and binge eating? Our victory over the savage, that’s what.
Sure, the first Thanksgiving was celebrated alongside the more native members of our country in 1621 and celebrated the bountiful harvest. As time went on, we had other things to give thanks for. In 1777 the President of the Continental Congress set aside a day in December to thank God for the crushing defeat we levied to the British. That said, the modern Thanksgiving holiday as we know it was established in 1941 when President Franklin Roosevelt signed into law a bill designed to celebrate his family’s swindling of Manhattan from the native peoples for 60 guilders.
Today we celebrate our nation’s accomplishments by heading out to the bars to reconnect with friends who were driven out of Metro Detroit by affirmative action hiring practices and drink till we blackout. We’ll wake up tomorrow and groggily chug mimosa after mimosa while watching the Thanksgiving parade on television while looking for the trashcan we hit on the way home. It will be another glorious and beautiful day in Grosse Pointe, and while that is reason enough to be thankful, we should remember that we weren’t given this land – we had to take it.