Category Archives: GP For Life

It Pees In the Cup Or It Gets a Job Again

The only thing that GP For Life hates more than needless government regulation is needless government handouts. That’s why, and I think I speak for all of Grosse Pointe on this, I applaud state lawmakers efforts to drive the droves of mindless peons off the government dole by requiring drug tests and community service for freebies like unemployment and public assistance. Hopefully, this will include SNAP benefits so I will no longer see signs at liquor stores proudly proclaiming their acceptance of my electronic tax dollars.

While this is a good start, we in Grosse Pointe don’t think it goes far enough because these wards of the state can deepen their unfortunate and entirely preventable circumstances by having more children. That’s why I think that government assistance should come with the caveat that you’re temporarily sterilized while you’re accepting public tax money. This might not be medically possible to do on a temporary basis, and that’s fine, because we can do it on a permanent basis until technology catches up with society’s needs.

Many of you might think this is “barbaric” or “blatantly unconstitutional”, but I assure you it is not. In fact, this is the only (and final) solution to the poor question. America for too long has subsidized the disease of poverty that has slowly chipped away at the two great pillars of American exceptionalism, freedom and capitalism. We must drive this filthy disease, and its derivatives sloth and ignorance, from our great land by any means.

I am GP For Life, I encourage you not to feed the bears. The only thing you’ll get is more bears.

Get Your Damned-Dirty-Hands Off My Excellence!

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Local journalist and muckraker-extraordinaire, Nancy Nall Derringer, posted on Grosse Pointe Today a story of seven brave moms who have to face the gut-wrenching decision to either send their children to Grosse Pointe North High School or move. Typical to her liberal-blame-whitey-form she accuses these heartbroken moms of racism and elitism, but recently released empirical evidence would seem to validate their concerns.

Having matriculated at Brownell Middle School, I know the pain these students are facing. The last waning days of eighth grade were filled with excitement and trepidation tinged only by the pain of knowing that some of my classmates weren’t deemed worthy enough to take their seat alongside me at Grosse Pointe South. I don’t know whatever happened to those friends, but I think most of them became nail “technicians” and prostitutes.

Some would call my claims that South is academically and abjectly superior to North to be an exaggeration, and frankly I thought it was too, but recently the State of Michigan released a top-to-bottom ranking of individual schools that calls into serious doubt the standing of North. These results are troubling, to say the least, and it is high time for remedial action.

Unfortunately, we know why this action needs to be taken and there is no polite way to put it. Transfer students and those students of lesser-means out of Harper Woods are dragging our schools’ ranking straight into the gutter. This isn’t about race or elitism. This is about the future of our community. We need to cut off this gangrenous limb to ensure the exceptional nature of our community and stop the advance of mediocrity on our borders.

In addition to purging from the rolls those who seek to suckle at the teat of our excellence, we must institute a strict policy of placement testing our transfer students. We shouldn’t lower our standards one iota, for to do so would only be an acceptance of other schools’ failures. If a student reads at a second-grade level the student would be placed in second grade. If you don’t like our commitment to excellence than perhaps you would be more comfortable with people closer to your level.

I am GP For Life and I will not see my children’s future washed away in a tide of political correctness. The time for action is now.

 

New Dance in the Hood: Stop and Frisk

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The brave men and women of the Detroit Police have announced a new dynamic in the way they will be policing their charges yesterday. Taking a page from the New York Police Department’s playbook, the DPD will now actively “stop” and “frisk” suspected ne’er-do-wells.  This bold new direction clearly marks a change in policy away from the reactive and to the proactive.

GP For Life would like to commend Chief Craig and his audacious decision to empower his officers to actively pursue a safer Detroit. However, I am not going to stop there, I am calling for the Grosse Pointe Police Chiefs to follow suit.

There was a time in Grosse Pointe when the police ran the streets and their authority was unquestionable. Over the years they have had their fangs filed down to nubs, thanks to liberal do-gooders and a general sense of political correctness.

I say “no more”! We need to follow Chief Craig’s fine example and empower our police force to return to the street in force. We need to send a clear message that we will not put up with our bubble being pierced by marauding hordes of barbarians. If we can’t hold them at the border, then we’ve lost the war. The enemy must not establish a beachhead. We will hold the line.

Seriously though, stop and frisk? I remember the police hassling my friends and I all the time and I can promise you they weren’t profiling the kids with polo shirts on. Today, you never hear about this. Today, the cops are afraid of getting sued. The Chiefs don’t want to rock the boat, but that’s precisely what we need. An aggressive presence to let the interlopers know we mean busy.

Go ahead and let the police know, we want them out on those streets protecting us!

 

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The Detroit Mayoral Debate: Halloween Comes Early This Year!

Matt Foley For Detroit Mayor

Matt Foley For Detroit Mayor

After watching the Detroit mayoral debate on Tuesday my heart is filled with joy knowing that each and every person can rise to astonishing heights despite severe personal handicaps. I didn’t count how many people were running, but I can tell you that each and every one of them has overcome some serious limitations to get where they are today. As for the debate itself, well, that is what you would expect from the fine City of Detroit. Highlights include, race-baiting, blatant lies, excessive pandering, and my personal favorite, socialist rhetoric. Nothing says “comeback” quite like regurgitating debunked political theories.

However, there was one ray of hope in this otherwise cloudy and dismal display, Sigmunt John Szczepkowski. Mr. Szczepkowski works as a motivational speaker for today’s youth, from as far as I can tell anyway. His state of the art campaign headquarters is located at the foot of Alter road, in a van down by the river, from where he coordinates his all out assault on the Manoogian Mansion. Normally, I don’t vote for or endorse any candidate whose last name ends in a vowel, but in this case I have to give my endorsement to Mr. Szczepkowski. Even if it is just for his striking resemblance to Matt Foley. Unfortunately, he’s about as erudite as a meth-addicted hobo.

Walling-Off the Poors

GP For Life's vision of the Mack Avenue Gate Complex.

GP For Life’s vision of the Mack Avenue Gate Complex.

The upscale Detroit community of Palmer Woods is walling themselves of from the poors that are surrounding them. After years of ineffectual policing by their own private militia they have decided to take the fortification approach. Who can blame them? They are like a firebase in the Vietnam highlands, about to be overrun by throngs of fish head-eating communists. Something drastic needed to happen.

Of course, there are some who see this prudent decision through the lens of elitism and racism. Which leads me to the question, why is it that every time an affluent community tries to erect physical barriers between them and their lessers there is some sort of outcry? Can’t we just agree that some of us are more equal than others? Is it not enough that we allow them to vote? Apparently not, because they feel that not only should they have the right to run their city straight into the ground, they should be able to run our communities off a cliff.

GP For Life is a uniter, not a divider. That is why I propose a compromise. We’ll stop barricading ourselves from roving packs of feral dogs and criminals if you take a literacy test in order to vote. Now, a lot of people think (like the Supreme Court) think that literacy tests are unconstitutional, and I would agree, if they were issued with some form of discrimination, but everyone will take them. That’s right, if you’re illiterate, you won’t vote. Of course, you could get some sort of literacy endorsement for your driver’s license so you don’t hold up the line reading “Dick and Jane”.

I think that’s more than a fair compromise.

 

Packard Plant Redevelopment – I guess they didn’t like my plan?

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The latest news with the Packard Plant is that a Chicago developer wants to redevelop the complex into some sort of retail and office hub for a mere $350 million. I can’t tell you what the ROI on that project is going to be, but I can tell you it’s probably going to show up in The E (Microsoft Excel) as a red number. I am not an architect, but I do know that a building that has trees growing on its roof is probably not structurally sound and that $350 million number is probably crack-pipe-optimism.

All of that is fine. I am used to watching people make ridiculously-poor financial decisions and to be honest, I find it very amusing.  What irritates me, is that the county didn’t take my proposal seriously. My proposal, which was far more financially feasible, would kill two birds with one stone.

We would build a massive wall around the Packard complex and install a multitude of small HD cameras throughout every nook and cranny of that asbestos-laden beast. After which we would handpick select convicts to participate in a cheap knock-off of Running Man. These wouldn’t be just ordinary criminals. They would be the worst of the worst. The child molesters, murders, rapists and, people caught stealing bicycles from Grosse Pointe. These criminals would be hunted down by a crack team of hunters armed with unique and entertaining weapons, like flamethrowers and various edged weapons. This spectacle would be taped, edited and, then broadcast all over the world.

Not only would we make productive use of the space, but we would help alleviate the overpopulation of state prison system! It’s really a win-win. Then there are the societal benefits that would come from the inevitable drop in criminality. I am sure you would think twice before robbing a liquor store if you knew your only way out was surviving the Packard Plant!

Sure, it’s not original, but at least its within our means.

Fortress Grosse Pointe — I Wish

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Once again the proles have taken to the press to decry Grosse Pointe’s intense desire to not burden its already strained tax base by educating the children of its impoverished neighbors. In one such article, imaginatively-titled Fortress Grosse Pointe: In world of school choice, community says ‘stay out’, local muckraker Nancy Nall Derringer likens Grosse Pointe to a fortress ripped from the pages of history and the closed societies of the pre-Johnson administration years. Further, she sprinkles-in veiled allegations that our motivations in protecting our school system from the barbarians pounding at our gatehouses are racially motivated.

Normally, I would not get my madras shorts in a bind over loud-mouthed malcontents, but “journalist” Audrey Spalding had to cast her fierce ginger glare upon the issue and make reckless allegations that our hardworking civil servants are stalking schoolchildren. In her article, Stalking Students in Grosse Pointeshe calls the due diligence our school system engages in to ensure that our hard-earned tax dollars do not go wasted upon interlopers, “extreme”.  While we agree that these measures are a sad reflection upon the neglected state of our neighboring school systems, I hardly think auditing our enrollment is extreme. She finds our argument that we don’t want to spend our $4,000 per pupil local tax money on students and families who never paid into our coffers to be outdated. No, that doesn’t make sense, but communism never does. 

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